CoVID-19 made me a better listener.
Initially this wasn’t the case, as transitioning to working remotely through zoom brought a wave of new distractions. I found myself struggling to pay attention to critical conversations as any time the conversation lulled, the whole world (work and otherwise) was only one click away. Eventually it was too much and I had to change.
To counter this tendency, I forced myself to take notes on every conversation. This sounds extreme, but I realized that in order to summarize a conversation, you have to cut out all distractions and truly listen.
Immediately I understood significantly more due to two major benefits.
- My attention was no longer split between my conversation and slack, email, or an online article.
- This is critical because as Gloria Mark’s study from UC Irvine shows, once we are distracted “it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds to get back to the task.”
- In our typical 30 minute meeting, forcing myself to focus was equivalent to attending the meeting instead of choosing to skip it.
- Taking notes to summarize a conversation forced me to actively listen.
- It immediately became clear when I hadn’t understood something or if there was an area I wanted to dive deeper.
- I asked clarifying questions which not only resulted in a more thorough understanding, but also allowed me to skip future meetings on the same topic.
After terrific results from my first few months, I began not only taking notes at work, but even during virtual hang-outs with friends. Even though I don’t often go back and read my notes, taking notes is important to me as I am completely present whenever my friends are sharing something about themselves.
Interested in learning more about empathy based listening?